Is it weird...

that when I watch shows or movies where there is murder involved I always leave thinking about how I would have done it better so that I wouldn't get caught?

My favorite show OF ALL TIME is "Law & Order: SVU"...I know it's kind of weird, but that's me. Another show that I watched religiously before Jared and I moved into our ghetto house with local cable only was "Snapped." This is a show about how real women go nuts and kill their husbands. Granted the husband usually deserves it. Jared thinks it is really creepy that I love that show. I also like shows like "The First 48 Hours," "Forensic Files," "America's Most Wanted," "CSI," and all the other "Law & Orders." I bet you didn't know I was dark and mysterious what with my blond hair and mad birthday cake skills :)

Point of the story is...

Jen's List of Valuable Lessons for Murder

1. Establish an alibi!
2. Wear gloves so that you do not leave fingerprints
3. Wear hair net so those pesky hairs don't get left anywhere (you thought those were only for lunch ladies!)
4. Wear long sleeves so that your victim can't scratch you, leaving your DNA under their fingernails
5. Don't research anything related to poison, weapons, bombs, or how to kill people on your home computer
6. If you go to an internet cafe, don't use a credit card to pay for it, and sign in with a different name
7. Also don't use a credit card to buy anything you're going to use to kill the person or discard the body, i.e. rope, shovel, weapons etc.
8. Do not for any reason put the body in your car or in your refrigerator (come on people!)
9. Don't put them in the ocean, a lake, a river, etc... they always get found very quickly
10. If you bury them...don't do it near your house. Especially not in your back yard.
11. When the police question you don't change your story a gazillion times
12. Don't have an affair at the same time if you're murdering your spouse...it always makes you the prime suspect.
13. If you hire someone...make sure they aren't going to tell on you...in fact make sure they never see your face, know your name or hear your voice.
14. If you're killing your spouse don't take out large life insurance policies for them right before you kill them.

And that's all I can think of right now. And just because I know all of this doesn't mean I'm a bad person. My sister-in-law wrote about how she wants to rob a bank just so she can see if she can do it (she'd give the money back of course.) I seriously will never kill anyone...but if I did I would get away with it. (Dear Investigator: If Jared ever goes missing, please ignore this post. It wasn't me...please go find my husband's killer.)

In 6th grade I got a way with a crime. Not only did I get away with it, but someone else had to take the wrap. I HATED this particular teacher and now I can't even remember why. Anyways, every morning she would have a student go down to the teacher's lounge to get her a cup of coffee. One day I was really mad at her, so after a boy went and got her coffee I put a piece of chalk in her cup. Now I figured it would dissolve and she'd drink it and she'd never even know. But get this...chalk doesn't really dissolve. So she drank that cup of coffee and at the bottom she found a piece of soggy chalk. And she blamed it on the boy that got her coffee and he got a referral. Poor kid. Here's the thing...I felt really really bad about it. Not about what I did, but that the kid got in trouble for it...but I have never been in trouble, not ever. In first grade I had to pull my card from green to yellow and put my head down on my desk while the other kids were playing follow the leader and I cried. A lot. And this kid got referrals all the time, so I didn't think he would care that much. But me!? That would seriously have screwed up my PERMANENT RECORD and I never would have got in to college. So I stayed quiet and let him get in trouble for my crime. Since I don't remember who that boy was, I can't call him now and apologize, so this is my public apology to that little boy.

PS. I got my haircut last night after work...really short, the shortest I have ever had it. And I feel so hot right now :) There is nothing like a really good haircut to bump your ego points up a few notches.

PPS. I also got my teeth cleaned yesterday...what is with dentists always asking you questions when they have all their tools in your mouth?

PPPS. I'm having a really good day.

The Birthday Party

The birthday party was a success! Lots of cousins, presents, fun, food and cake. I'll let the pictures tell for me.

The Great Cake Story

Two words AGONIZING pain. It took me hours to decorate those cakes...was it worth it? I guess. In 20 years Adelyn will see the pictures and know I did at least one nice thing for her. Seriously though, if you ever decorate cake I would advise getting a ton of the little tip holder things that go inside the icing bags, otherwise you're going to spend hours inbetween washing those things so you can switch icing color or tips. Next time I make a cake I'll probably cut the time by 50% just by being more efficient. Anyways....here you go!

The Great Cake Story: A Tale of Pictures

I'm a Domestic Goddess!!!

As I've already mentioned Adelyn's birthday party is on Sunday and I'm making her a cake (two actually, a baby cake for her and a big cake for everyone else.) Since I've never made/decorated a cake before I decided to start early, and baked the cakes tonight. They're now covered up and waiting to be decorated tomorrow. We're doing a Teddy Bear theme so the cakes are bears. I'm pretty sure the baking is the easy part and I'll probably ruin them tomorrow when I try my hand at cake decorating. So here is a little preview before they end up looking like a 4-year-old decorated them.

Picking egg shells out of the batter. Ya I'm THAT good.

Mixing pound cake mix with devil's cake mix.

The result.

Adelyn helping clean up

A ridiculously good looking picture of me. Yes, I am a THAT hot.

Putting in the bear guts.

Baking

The end! The round cake is chocolate and the bears are both yellow cake. Yes, the big bear got a wee bit burned...I think he looks good with a little tan though! The big bear will be sitting on top of the round cake.

Stay tuned to see how they turn out!

ONE YEAR

Today Adelyn turned 1 year old. I can't believe a year has gone by so fast. Since we're having her birthday party this weekend, and being the mean mother that I am, we celebrated her birthday by going to her one year check-up and getting 5 more immunizations. Seriously, I am the meanest mother of all time. "Happy birthday baby! Here are a gazillion shots to ruin your day!" What a way to spend your first birthday. I didn't really think about it when I scheduled the appointment forever ago, but I wont do that to my kids ever again. Bad mommy!

Adelyn at 1 year:

Height: 29" (40%)
Weight: 20 lbs 13 oz. (40%)

In one year she tripled her weight. Grew almost a foot. Learned how to sit-up, crawl, stand-up, WALK!, and climb onto the couch and coffee table. She can now say: Mama, Dada, Nana, NO! NO! NO!, Dog, Wow!, Uh-oh! and One. She can also make the dog noise - "oof oof" for the big dog Maggie and "arf arf" for the annoying yappy poodles Rory and Opie (all my parents dogs.) She has obtained more earthly possessions than probably any baby in the rest of the world (that might be a slight overstatement...but it's pretty ridiculous!) And she is probably the most loved baby of all time.

It has been so much fun getting to know her personality better the last few months. She is absolutely her mother's daughter. She is such a little sass. If we tell her "No." She laughs at us and does the naughty thing again. And since she's so dang cute we laugh too, once again showing our AMAZING parenting skills :) She has her daddy completely wrapped around her tiny fat pinkie finger. Everyday I wake up surprised that it's possible to love her even more than I did the previous day. The only thing that could make our little family happier is if we had a few more just like her.

H a P p Y b I r T h D a Y

A d E l Y n ! ! !

I love you more than I even know how to say.

P.S.

I found the perfect video to go along with some of my thoughts from the last post. Enjoy!

The blog strike and some randomness

I don't have any idea why, but lately I've been on an unintentional blog strike. It's not that I don't like blogging, I LOVE BLOGGING...I'm quite possibly OBSESSED with blogging. But for whatever reason, I don't have much to say lately. And even worse...I haven't even been reading most of your blogs. I know that I am the worst blog friend ever. But I'm trying to get my groove back. Here are a few things I've been thinking about lately:

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My baby is going to be ONE on Wednesday. I'm a little freaked out about it. Where did this year go!? We're having a small family birthday party for her on Sunday and even though she won't have any clue, and it's just a few family members, I'm stressing about it. I mean she only gets one FIRST birthday and I want it to be special. I'm making a three dimensional teddy bear cake. I don't know what gave me the idea that I can make a somewhat professional cake having never even attempted, but I bought the stuff so it's a done deal. Wish me luck!

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If you didn't know, we recently moved to my home town in San Diego. In California it's against the law to talk on your cell phone while you drive. It's been a rough transition for me. At least two times a day I'll be driving and 3 minutes into my conversation I'll realize I'm driving and talking on my cell phone. It's like it's become another involuntary reflex my body just does, like blinking, or breathing! It works like this: Brain decides I need to call Jared, sends impulse to hand to find/open/dial phone. I seriously don't even consciously think about it anymore. I don't even have to look at my phone to call people. So I don't even realize I'm on the phone till half way through the conversation. Luckily I haven't been caught.

One day while I was driving I was thinking about this new law, and while I definitely think it is necessary because of all the lame-os out there who can't multi-task, I was thinking of how funny the situation really is. It's against the law to talk on your phone- but there are hundreds of other things that have never been mentioned in the law...at least not that I know of. In my life time, while driving, I have: applied make-up, plucked my eyebrows, eaten (is that a word?) food, enjoyed a kiss or two (although that was usually at a red light,) probably fooled around with my husband, tried to comfort my screaming baby in the backseat, switched places while driving very slowly with my brother from the driver's seat to the passenger seat, flossed my teeth, finished homework on my way to school, changed my shoes, gotten dressed, read my mail, written a check, etc. etc. etc. And all of it wasn't against the law!

What are some crazy, but legal, things you've done while driving?

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And lastly, I'm officially a full time working woman. I haven't had a job in a LONG time. The last job I had was as a waitress, so I haven't been in an office setting for even longer. I'm working for my accountant father for tax season, in an office with mostly women...and a few peculiar men. Everyone has very different personalities, which makes for very interesting work days. Maybe I'll have some good stories in the near future.

Ringing in the New Year

Adelyn's first New Years Eve!

It took 13 hours to get from Utah to San Diego...we were exhausted when we got here, but made it safely. We had a late Christmas with my family and then we all spent a few days at Disneyland. It was Jared and Adelyn's first Disneyland experience. We had fun despite the kajillions of people. (Note to self- NEVER go to Disneyland on a holiday weekend again.) We hope everyone had an awesome New Year!

In front of Sleeping Beauty's castle on New Year's Day. It's all lit up for the Christmas season.

My whole family was able to go except my brother, Chad, and Kari's husband, Chase.

We tried to explain to Adelyn that you're not allowed to cry at the happiest place on Earth.

Christmas with the Romneys

This picture shows how red her hair can look in different lighting.

I just think this one is pretty :)

The entire Romney family

Merry Christmas from us to you!